


Five Minute Marriage

by Qzil



Series: SPN Rarepair Bingo [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Accidental Marriage, Alternate Universe - College/University, F/M, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-29
Updated: 2016-01-29
Packaged: 2018-05-17 02:45:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5851153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Qzil/pseuds/Qzil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After celebrating the end of exams, Meg finds out why she really, really shouldn’t drink around her best friend, who also happens to be a marriage-happy ordained minister.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Minute Marriage

**Author's Note:**

> For the SPN rarepair bingo square 'what did we do last night'

Meg felt herself wake up slowly, her head pounding with a vicious headache that was no doubt due to the amount of alcohol she’d consumed the night before during the party that Sam’s older brother, Dean, had thrown the night before to celebrate the end of the semester. But she was so wonderfully warm that she almost didn’t mind the headache. 

At least until an arm smacked her in the face. 

Meg groaned. She really, really hoped that she hadn’t tumbled into bed with Sam again after a night of drinking, especially if they’d done it in Dean’s place. It wasn’t that she didn’t like Sam or that he was a bad lay or anything. It was just that, every time she did wind up in bed with Sam, he always wanted to snuggle and talk afterward, and Meg was not about the snuggling or the talking. 

Meg risked opening her eyes and screamed, “Oh, shit!”

Kevin Tran jumped, rolled off the bed, and peeked back up at her with wide eyes. He looked absolutely terrified, like he thought she was going to eat him after finding him in her bed. Meg blinked slowly at him. 

“Kevin, did you wander in here by accident?” she asked slowly. Kevin Tran was a baby compared to her and Sam, the little freshman that Sam had taken under his wing and brought him to the party even though he wasn’t old enough to drink. His eyes were still wide when he looked at her, and then he squeaked and slammed them shut. Meg frowned, then looked down at herself and saw that the blanket had fallen down, exposing her chest, which was completely bare. 

She looked down and noticed that Kevin was shirtless as well, although is blanket was covering his lap. A quick check confirmed that she was naked from the waist down. 

“Did we have sex last night?” Meg groaned. Ruby would never, ever stop making fun of her if that was the case. 

“I don’t think so,” Kevin said, his eyes still shut. “I’ve got a skirt and pants on.”

“A skirt?” Meg asked, suddenly curious. “Let me see.”

“If you put some clothes on,” Kevin bargained. Meg frowned. No one had ever requested that she put clothes on before. Mildly offended, she looked around and tried to find her clothes from the night before. When she couldn’t, she simply wrapped the sheet around her like a toga and held it closed with a hand. 

“I’m as decent as I can get,” she promised. Kevin opened one eye, relaxed when he saw her in the toga, and slowly stood up. Just as he’d said, he was wearing the same black dress pants he’d been wearing the day before, only with a frilly, sparkly, pink tulle skirt thrown over it. 

“What the hell even happened last night?” Kevin asked. 

Meg shrugged. “I don’t know, but I– _oh.”_

“Oh?”

“Is this yours?” Meg asked, holding up her hand to show off the plastic ring with a large daisy on it. “Did you drunkenly propose last night and then we tried to have sex?”

Kevin blushed. “I’m sorry?”

“Well, we’ll get to the bottom of it. Let’s try to find our friends. And some asprin. I have a killer headache.”

Kevin followed her out of the room, not bothering to remove his frilly skirt as he went. Either he was too hungover or too tired to care about it, but Meg had to admit that he actually looked kind of cute like that. Besides, his chest was a lot nicer than she thought it would be, nice and toned, so she didn’t mind looking at it. She herself was comfortable with her toga. 

Benny was the only one in the kitchen, and he looked just as beat up as she and Kevin probably did. “What happened to you two last night?”

“I was hoping that you could tell us that,” Meg answered. She saw that Benny had already put on a pot of coffee, and poured herself a cup, leaving Kevin to get his own while she rooted around for the asprin. Benny tapped the table, and Meg gratefully took two pills from him. “What happened to you last night?”

“My boyfriend insisted on sitting in the hot tub for an hour and then I had to carry him to bed,” Benny said. “Thankfully, I was sober enough by then, but y’all had already disappeared.” 

Just then, Sam walked in with a beaming smile on his face, followed by a very sleepy and clearly irritated Dean, who walked over to place a kiss on the back of Benny’s head before heading for the coffee. 

“What are you smiling about?” Meg asked. “What, did you stick it in Ruby last night?”

“Nope,” Sam said. “But I would like to offer my congratulations to the happy couple.”

“Dean and Benny?” Kevin guessed. “Why, what’d they do?”

“Not Dean and Benny,” Sam said. His smile turned nearly predatory, and Meg felt a small twinge of fear in her belly. “You and Meg got married last night.”

Meg’s jaw dropped. She couldn’t even look at Kevin. Then she heard a thump. 

Kevin was on the floor, completely passed out. 

“Well,” Meg said. “That prank really fucked with his head.”

“It isn’t a prank,” Sam promised. “One hundred per cent real.”

Meg snorted. 

“Sam, quit it with the bullshit. It’s too early,” Dean ordered. 

“I have pictures,” Sam argued. “We can wake up Cas if you don’t believe me. He’s the one who married you guys.”

Sam pulled his phone from his pocket and tossed it at Meg. She opened his photos and started going through them, ignoring the way Dean and Benny leaned over her shoulder to look. The very first picture was she and Kevin kissing on the back porch with Meg in Kevin’s lap. He was in the same pants and frilly skirt, but someone had given him a pink blouse that was decorated in flowers. Meg herself was wearing her jeans, but someone had also given her a too-large white shirt, a pink tie, and a too-large suit jacket that clearly did not belong to her. 

She flipped through the pictures and saw her and Kevin stuffing pie in each other’s mouths, her and Kevin swapping drinks, and her carrying Kevin in the direction of the stairs. The next one was a video, and when Meg played it she nearly dropped the phone in shock. 

There was Castiel, who had apparently completed his online course to become an ordained minister. He had also apparently been the one to donate his shirt and suit jacket to her, because he was wearing nothing but his blue tie. She had no idea where his pants had gone, and was grateful for the table covering his crotch. 

It was indeed her wedding. She and Kevin drunkenly stumbled over their vows, and even Castiel seemed to be having trouble talking, his voice slurring until he ended it by saying, “Okay, you two are married now. Just kiss. For Jesus. Kiss for Jesus.”

And so she and Kevin did. Sloppily. For several minutes. There was moaning. 

Meg heard Dean and Benny whistle behind her and threw the phone onto the counter to bury her face in her hands. “What. The. Fuck. Sam, why didn’t you stop him? Or me? Or any of us?”

“I thought it would be funny!” he said. 

“Well, it isn’t legal, at least,” Meg sighed. She heard a groan from the floor and saw Kevin coming around. At least she hadn’t broken him. 

“I’m afraid it is legal,” Castiel said, walking into the room holding a handful of papers. “You guys signed everything.”

Meg gulped and took the marriage license from him. “Why do you even have these? And Dean and Benny were our witnesses? It doesn’t count if you’re drunk!”

“Well, legally speaking, until you file it with the city and pay some money, it isn’t legal,” Castiel corrected. “However…you and Kevin are now bound in the eyes of the Lord.”

Meg heard Kevin squeak and turned around to see him falling over again. Only this time, Benny managed to catch him. The older man picked him up and plunked him into a chair. “Stay.”

“Sam, I hope you burn in Hell,” Meg growled. Sam laughed and scooped his phone up. 

“Should I e-mail you guys the pictures?” he asked. 

Meanwhile, Kevin put his head in his hands and began loudly muttering about how much trouble he was going to be in with his mom, about how he needed to be single to stay on her health insurance, and asking ohgod, why over and over. 

Meg picked up the marriage license and decisively ripped it in half. Then she put the halves together and ripped them in half again. She kept going until it was in little, tiny pieces, and then she dropped it in the garbage while the other boys watched her with wide eyes. 

“Kevin, you can stop muttering now. We just got divorced.”

“Not in the eyes of the Lord,” Castiel pointed out. Meg rolled her eyes and walked over to stand behind Kevin. 

“Okay, Castiel. You married us, so you divorce us.”

“You’re not supposed to get divorced.”

Meg glared at him. She could hear Benny and Dean laughing at her, and saw Sam’s smirk out of the corner of her eye as she continued to stare at Castiel. Eventually, he relented and trotted over to them. He put a hand on her head and one on Kevin’s. 

“One…two…three…you’re divorced!” he announced, his tone far more serious than it needed to be. Kevin looked so grateful that there were tears in his eyes. 

“Thank god,” he said. 

Meg growled. “Are you saying that you wouldn’t want to marry me?” 

“Well, you’re kind of scary,” Benny pointed out. 

“You can be,” Castiel agreed. 

“Well, screw all of you. I’m going to find my clothes. Hey, Kevin, wanna celebrate our divorce with some greasy hangover food?”

“Not really,” he said. 

“Well, do you want to stay here and listen to these guys make fun of you for marrying me last night?” 

“No,” he admitted. Meg nodded. 

“Well, okay then. C’mon, I’ll treat you.”

Kevin got up and followed her back to the guest room, presumably to find their clothes. On the way Meg saw Ruby passed out on the couch, hugging a pillow. She stopped, shoved her off of it, and kept walking even as she heard Ruby shriek. She was sure that her best friend had something to do with what had happened, but she wasn’t sure exactly what. 

She managed to find most of her clothes (her underwear was nowhere to be found, but this wasn’t the first time that she’d left a houseparty without her underpants, and it probably wouldn’t be the last), and Kevin managed to locate his shirt and leave the frilly skirt behind. 

“Where did Dean even find that?” Meg asked as she rooted around for her car keys and purse. 

“I think he and Benny use it for…things,” Kevin said. “I don’t want to know, honestly.”

“You know,” Meg mused, pulling a brush from her bag and quickly running it through her hair. “If we tell the people at the diner that we got married yesterday and are leaving for our honeymoon, they might give us a discount.”

Kevin buried his face in his hands. “I’m so sorry. It was my fault. Sam talked me into it. I thought it was a weird dream, but…”

“Wait, Sam talked you into it? Why?” Meg asked. Kevin mumbled something through his hands. “Can’t hear you, Kev. Speak up.”

“BecauseI’vehadacrushonyousincethefirstsemester,” he said in a rush. He took a deep breath and slowed down. “Sam kept saying I should ask you out, and when we went for that beer run I saw one of those plastic rings in the machine and I just got an idea. I was drunk and it was stupid.”

“You’re a sweet kid, but you’re a little young for me,” Meg said. Her voice softened when she saw Kevin’s shoulders slump. “But, what the Hell, we’ve already been married. So why don’t we count breakfast as the first date?”

Kevin immediately brightened. “Really?”

Meg put her brush away and shrugged. “Why the Hell not? It could be fun.”

Her phone buzzed in her purse. Meg frowned when she saw two missed calls from her father, and a slew of texts from him. 

_> You got MARRIED last night meg call me back right away as soon as you wake up from whatever stupid thing you did  
_

_> why couldn’t you marry sam hes a nice boy  
_

_> I mean as long as it wasn’t dean   
_

_> This had better be a joke  
_

_> unless u did marry sam and that small boy was the best man or something in that case I am very happy for you please come by the house for cake_

Meg laughed and threw her phone back into her purse. “Sam texted the pictures to my dad.”

Kevin was looking down at his own phone, and he looked sick. “Someone texted my mom. Oh, my god.”

“Relax,” Meg instructed. “Just tell your mom you’re dating me. She should be fine, then.”

“She’s gonna kill me,” Kevin groaned. Meg leaned over and gave his shoulder a sympathetic pat. 

“Well, you’ve gone to college, gotten married, gotten divorced, and you’re about to go on a date. At least you’ve lived a full life. C’mon, let’s get out of here before you faint again.”

Kevin obediently followed her to the front door. On the way, Ruby glared at Meg, who ignored her, looped an arm around Kevin’s waist, and led him to the car. 

Her friends were assholes, but at least she’d gotten a fun story out of that night. 

She just had to call her father and set the record straight. After that, it would be smooth sailing. 

Kevin’s phone went off again and he began to whimper. 

Well, relatively smooth sailing.


End file.
